Purging

 

Quite recently I’ve been bogged by the topic of abiding in Christ. I have all these books and pamphlets describing how it is to abide in Christ and live for Him.

I mean, I know this is not at all coincidental and I know in me current situation, these are the things I need to know.
One of the topics that pertains to it, is the process of purging. From what I understood, it’s the process of purification and putting away of the things that distracts us from serving God and doing His will.

Then it hit me.

I’ve been praying, sometimes haphazardly and sometimes sincerely, that God would put away that thing that’s hindering me from trusting His will in my life.

I don’t know about you, but for me, it was a feeling. That feeling of hoping for something you know you cannot get. That feeling of belongingness to someone you know you can never be with. That feeling of being accepted of the people/person you know will never understand you. That feeling of fear of being cast into the unknown. That feeling of fear.

Fear. Just the thought of it, makes me cry right now. I’ve had so many of that.

I’ve never realized that I have all these fear inside my head and heart that keeps me from giving all to my Saviour. I have all these inhibitions for my future that keeps me from depending on Him with all my heart.

That fear has defined my life. I’ve moved on from heart ache to heart break depending on my own strength and knowledge and not on His will. I realized I never really acknowledged His presence in my life and that has brought about the feeling of being lost and rejected.

I was selfish, to say least. And all of that was so sense-less.

Knowing that I have the Saviour waiting to guide me if I’m willing to let Him, I lacked that wisdom to finally let go of my fears.

And now, having been enlightened once again of the truth, I don’t know what will happen.
I don’t know what the future will hold but I’m excited. When I let go of those fears and have learned to forgive myself for all the stupidity I’ve done before, I realize it’s a lot more fun living day to day.
God’s blessings never lack day to day. I began to notice unexpected goodness from unexpected people. And counting those blessings day to day began to be more heart-felt and true.

I guess, this is how to really live life for Him.

It’s never going to be easy, with all the pressures and pleasures readily available around me. But I know my God will never leave me nor forsake me.

Now, that’s a great consolation.